


Into The Fire

by angelsfalling16



Series: 20 First Kisses [21]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Dreamwalking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Nightmares, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23865709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Baz always said that this would end in flames, but Simon thought he was just being dramatic. When he gets a glimpse of what Baz dreams about, Simon sees that Baz truly believes it’s true, and he has to find a way to change his mind.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: 20 First Kisses [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1080417
Comments: 7
Kudos: 189





	Into The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song Bruises by Lewis Capaldi, but the title is from the song Into the Fire by Thirteen Senses.

**Simon**

As I lie in bed, my eyes heavy with sleep, I fill the spell start to take effect, lulling me into a deep sleep.

It’s a spell that is supposed to allow you to see into someone else’s dreams while you’re sleeping. I’m hoping that it does as I want it to and allows me to jump into Baz’s dreams so that I can finally figure out what it is that he has been plotting.

I didn’t trust myself to cast the spell, so I bothered Penny until she agreed to cast it for me.

 _If only to prove to you that he isn’t plotting anything,_ she said before reminding me for the fifth time of all of the things that could go horribly wrong. _You could get stuck in the dream. You could end up in someone else’s dream. You could never wake up. You could die in the dream and not come back. Baz could find out and kill you for going into his dream._

 _Aha!_ I interrupted. _So, you agree that he wants to kill me._

 _That’s not what I said._ But I waved her off and told her to say the spell.

I didn’t feel any different after it was cast, but that was fine because I wasn’t supposed to until I was falling asleep, so I hurried up the stairs in Mummer’s House and waited quite impatiently for Baz to fall asleep that I could sleep myself. I only hoped that our close proximity would ensure that it was his dream I ended up in.

I don’t know how long it takes between the time that I fall asleep and the time I find myself in Baz’s dream.

I find myself still in our room, but it’s different. All of the furniture is gone, and there is a fire blazing, filling up the room. It’s a couple of feet away from where I stand at the door.

At first, it seems as though the room is filled with flames, and it must mean that Baz is dreaming about setting the room on fire with me in it, killing me while I sleep.

After a few moments, though, it starts to become more apparent that the flames create a circle, the edges of it mere inches from the walls, only arching away from where I am still standing.

A harder look shows that there is a figure huddled in the middle of the flames. I can’t see any features from here, but it’s obvious who it is.

_Baz._

The flames are a sight to behold.

You imagine what it would be like to watch something go up in flames, but you will never truly understand what it’s like until it happens to you.

The fire is bright swirls of red and orange that seem to be drawing me closer. The only odd thing about it is that it should be sweltering in here. My shirt should be stuck to my skin with sweat, and my throat and lungs should be filling with soot, choking me until I can’t breathe.

None of that is true. It’s quite the opposite actually. The air around me is cold, and I shiver as I take a step closer to the flames.

Is this what hell is like? Being surrounded by flames, yet unable to get warm?

I reach out, and the fire flairs up for a moment before settling back down again. I take a deep breath to steady myself, but I don’t pull back.

A distant voice in my head reminds me of Penny’s warnings, but I barely here them over the roar of the flames. It sounds like they’re calling to me, and I don’t want to fight it. I want to be a part of them, to see what would happen.

The flames reach out like hands, beckoning me closer, and I can’t resist the pull. I imagine letting it grab hold of me and pulling me in until it’s too late.

In fact, I let it do just that. I stretch my arm out farther, letting the flames lick at my skin and surround my arm with a vice-like grip. I don’t have time to panic before it yanks hard and pulls me in.

But rather than going up in flames, I am able to pass through it, unscathed.

It’s eerily quiet on this side of the fire. On the outside, I could hear its threatening roars, but in here, there is only silence.

The boy in the center of the flames doesn’t notice me, but it is definitely Baz.

“Baz?” I whisper, taking a careful step towards where he sits on the floor, head pressed to his knees, which his arms are wrapped around like he’s holding on for dear life.

It takes a moment for him to lift his head, and when he does, there are tears tracking down his face, which he doesn’t even attempt to try to hide from me.

“What are you doing here?”

His voice sounds almost childlike compare to the way he usually speaks to me. He sounds uncertain and frightened.

“I—.” I’m not sure how to respond to that.

I can’t tell him that I hopped into his dream. I only wanted to see if I could figure out what he’s been plotting, but I never could have imagined seeing something like this. He must be having a nightmare.

Rather than responding to him, I take another step forward but stop when he flinches.

“Stay away from me.” His voice shakes when he speaks, but his tone is harsh.

“Baz,” I say quietly. “I just want to help you.”

He shakes his head. “No, you don’t. You want to kill me.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Because you hate me. And because I’m a m-monster.” His voice breaks on the last word, and a fresh wave of tears overtakes him.

I wish that there was something I could do. I hate to see him in pain like this.

I know that we don’t get along and that I’m constantly trying to catch him in the midst of his evil acts, but I never wanted to end up like this: scared and alone.

“You’re not a monster,” I whisper.

He scoffs, turning a familiar glare on me, unsoftened by his sobs.

“You of all people should know that that’s not true. For three years, you have been going around telling anyone who would listen that I’m a vampire.”

“That doesn’t make you a monster.”

“Then, what _does_ it make me?”

I don’t know, I realize. I see Baz as my enemy, have since the day we met, but I have never once thought of him as a monster.

He’s not a monster. He’s just a boy.

And that’s what I tell him.

“You’re a boy,” I say, moving towards him slowly, afraid that I’ll scare him off even though he has nowhere to go. “You’re my roommate. The person who drives me mad on a daily basis. You are a lot of things, but a monster is not one of them.”

He turns away from me, and I can tell that he doesn’t believe me. I have to find a way to make him believe.

I walk the last few steps to get to him before kneeling in front of him.

He still doesn’t look at me.

“Baz,” I say quietly. “You are not a monster.”

His hands clench into fists before relaxing again, and the flames flare up brighter around us.

They must be caused by his mood. If I can get him to calm down or distract him, they fire might die out.

I have to try something. Anything.

“Baz,” I say again.

He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. Talking isn’t going to get us anywhere. I have to try something else and fast, because the circle feels like it is tightening around us.

I reach out to him, placing my hand against his cheek and lightly pushing it until he’s facing me.

He opens his mouth, probably to protest or tell me to get lost, but before he can say anything, I lean forward and press my lips against his.

I start out soft, then kiss him more firmly when he doesn’t pull away.

It takes a moment – a moment where I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision and have only succeeded in making things worse – but then he starts to kiss me back, pushing back against me with a quiet desperation.

Too soon, he pulls away from me, and when his hand reaches for my neck, I begin to panic, thinking that he plans to throttle me. But then his fingers wrap around the chain around my neck, and he yanks hard, snapping it. He grabs my cross and tosses it across the room. It passes through the flames that are slowly beginning to recede.

The corners of his mouth turn up in a facsimile of a smile. Then, he kisses me.

When I open my eyes again, I’m back in my bed.

The flames have disappeared, and the room seems to be the way it was before I fell asleep.

I turn to look at Baz’s bed and am relieved that he appears to be sleeping soundly. I hope that his nightmare ended when I left.

I feel like I haven’t gotten any sleep, but I don’t think I can go back to sleep now. I quietly check the time and find that it’s reaching the time that I would normally get up to get ready for the day. I must have been asleep longer than I thought.

I let myself lie in bed for a while longer before I decide that I can’t keep imagining that kiss any longer.

It felt so real, and for some reason, I want to try it again. Even though that would be really stupid.

I just want to feel Baz’s lips against mine again and know that he is safe. To let him know that he is safe with me and that I don’t think he’s a monster.

I shake the thoughts from my head and slip quietly out of bed, grabbing some clothes in the dark before heading into the en suite.

I start to get dressed, and I realize that I forgot to grab a clean shirt. Rather than put the other one back on, I decide that it will be okay to just step back out into the room to get one since Baz is still sleeping.

Only, when I step out of the en suite, the lights in our room are all on, and Baz is making his bed.

He turns at the noise, and when he catches sight of me, his eyes narrow.

“You look like crap,” he sneers.

I ignore him and rush over to my wardrobe to grab a shirt, hastily putting it on. I miss one of the buttons and end up having to redo it, all while feeling the heat of Baz’s gaze on me.

I can’t tell if he remembers the dream, and if he does, he probably chalked it up to an even worse nightmare than usual, one where he was forced to kiss me.

My hands shake as I run a hair through my hair, hoping to somewhat tame it but not expecting any real results.

“Where’s your cross?” Baz asks suddenly.

I reach for my neck, but I can already feel that it’s gone.

“I-I’m not sure.” I know that it had it on last night, but I don’t remember taking it off.

I think back to the dream to when Baz tore it off of me. When he tossed it, it landed in front of his wardrobe.

Obviously, the dream wasn’t real, but maybe because _I_ was…

I step around Baz to get a better look, and sure enough, my cross lies discarded on the floor, right where it landed in his dream.

I move to pick it up, and Baz watches me.

“What is it doing over there?” He asks, a hint of surprise coloring his tone.

“You threw it there,” I murmur, leaning down to pick it up.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yeah, you did. In your dream.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t remember it?” I ask, peering up at him. I’m not sure which answer I’m hoping for.

“Remember what?”

“Your dream.”

“What are you on about, Snow?”

I swallow hard, knowing that he’ll likely kill me when he finds out, but there’s no going back now.

“I went into your dream last night, and you pulled off my cross.” I don’t tell him why he did that. It’s probably best to keep the details to minimum.

“Why were you in my dream?” He hisses.

“I-I wanted to know what you were plotting.”

“And you thought my dreams would tell you that?”

“I don’t know,” I say in a small voice, only now realizing that it was an absurd idea. “I thought that maybe even in your dreams, you would be thinking up ways to kill me.”

“That is still a horrible breach of privacy.”

He lunges for me, and I back into the wall.

“Anathema!” I shout, just in time. Though, by the look on his face, I probably should have let him hit me. That way, he would be unable to hurt me again.

“Tell me what you saw,” Baz says quietly, not backing away from me.

“You, surrounded by flames. And y-you were crying. But then I—.” I cut myself off. I can’t tell him that I kissed him. He might change his mind and hit me anyway.

“You what?” He asks. Or really demands.

“I k-kissed you.” I brace myself for his fist. I don’t expect what he does next, though.

He _laughs_. He actually laughs at that.

It’s a harsh mocking laugh that I’ve heard a thousand times, but this time, it digs into me.

“What’s so funny?” I growl, not seeing any humor in this situation.

“First, you think that I would be plotting in my dream. Then, you think that you can kiss me like I’m Sleeping Beauty and a kiss will awaken me.”

“It’s not like you were complaining,” I grumble.

“It was a _dream_ ,” he shouts, laughing harder.

The sound rings throughout the room, making me feel hot with anger and making the edges go a little hazy.

I need to calm down, but I can’t. Not when he keeps laughing.

He’s lying. That kiss was not just a dream. It was real. It _felt_ real.

I want to hit him but can’t for the same reason he couldn’t hit me.

I need to do something, though.

So, because I’m an idiot and apparently have a death wish, I take the step forward that will close the distance between us and kiss him, wiping the smirk off his face.

I expect him to push me off immediately, but after a moment where he freezes, he begins to relax and kisses me back.

The kiss is at once familiar and like something wholly new.

The memory of the dream-kiss is there in my head, but it pales in comparison to the real thing.

Baz’s lips are soft against mine, and he’s surprisingly gentle as he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I tilt my head to kiss him deeper, and he sighs against my lips, a soft little sound that I hope to hear again sometime.

When we pull back for a moment to catch our breath, I realize that I’m still holding the cross in my hand, so I quickly toss it across the room before kissing him again.

This is what we should have been doing all alone. We should have been kissing instead of fighting because this is so much better.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


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